Sexting: From a cybermom's point of view

With the very sad story of Jessica Logan in the news recently, “sexting” has become a catch phrase in the media. I find most parents still don’t really understand what it is and most kids don’t know what the consequences are for participating. If you remember, Jessica was the young teen who committed suicide after her ex-boyfriend sent nude photos of her to classmates after their breakup.

According to Parry Aftab, sexting is when young people take nude pictures or images of themselves engaging in real or simulated sexual acts on their cellphones or webcams and then send them to others by cellphones or webcams. (http://blogs.mcafee.com/?p=889) Unfortunately it is taking place more and more frequently and is a serious problem. The consequences for participating in this activity can be devastating and I urge parents to have a discussion with their kids about it today.

According to a poll by wiredsafety.org, 44% of teen boys said they had seen nude photos of classmates. These photos are sent by these girls to impress a boyfriend or even a boy they are hoping to date. Unfortunately, boys are sending these photos on to classmates after they break up or just for “fun”. The girl is then humiliated. The consequences of these actions are devastating and teens need to hear this loud and clear. We know that Jessica committed suicide after this happened to her.

Are you aware that teens are being charged with possession of child pornography for having these images on their phones? (http://abcnews.go.com/US/Story?id=6864809&page=1)

Did you know that some of the charges levied on teens have required them to register as sex offenders, lumping them in the same pool as pedophiles?

Kids, tweens and teens also need to know that if they get prosecuted for child pornography and it is on their record, they cannot pursue a career that requires certification, such as teachers and daycare providers. http://www.the-daily-record.com/news/article/4563759

We need to get the word out to our kids that not only is this behavior not allowed but that they can get in serious trouble for participating.

Dr. Laura Berman was on Oprah recently on a show about having “the talk” with your kids. She had some great information about the who’s and why’s of sexting. She said that according to their poll, 20% of teens are participating in sexting. “22% of girls have sent a nude or seminude photos of themselves to boys on their cellphones,” she said on Oprah.com (http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200905-omag-sex-talk-laura-berman/). I was shocked to find that kids are beginning to participate as young as in 7th grade!

What does that mean for us parents? According to Berman, we need to start having the conversation with are kids when they are as young as ten. I thought this was hard to hear, but her reasoning was sound. Give kids the tools they need to make smart decisions and they usually make sound choices.

For me, when the story about Jessica hit the news, I sat down with both of my boys (ages 12 and 18) and had a conversation. There are plenty of stories in the news to use as an example. The story last year of Miley Cyrus is one that pops to mind immediately. She sent revealing photos of herself to her boyfriend. Use a story that you think will reach your own child.

My conversation went something like this…

Cybermom: Have you heard of Sexting?

18 year old: Yes.

12 year old: No.

Cybermom: It is when a person sends a nude picture of themselves on their cell phone or webcam to another person. This is what happened to Miley Cyrus last year, remember? It has been in the news a lot lately because there was a young girl who sent a picture of herself to her boyfriend. When they broke up, he sent it to a bunch of other kids at their school and the kids started being really mean to her. Do you think that was right?

12yo: No, that’s just mean.

18yo: I think she shouldn’t have sent it in the first place.

Cybermom: Well she felt so bad she killed herself. All because of a picture. It is such a waste of a young life. When I gave you cell phones, this is not what I had in mind for you to use it for. I don’t want you ever to take pictures like that. I don’t want you to ever ask girls to send you pictures like that. Do you understand?

Boys: Yes.

Cybermom: If a girl ever sends you a photo like that, I want you to delete it. Under no circumstances are you to ever forward those pictures on to someone else, understand? *

Boys: Yes.

Cybermom: I want you to understand that the police don’t know how to prosecute these cases. Some of the kids are being brought up on charges of possession of child pornography and being forced to register as a sex offender. If you hear of any of your friends doing this kind of stuff, I want you to tell them that they can get in serious trouble – trouble that could last for twenty years. You have to think before you send anything. Always ask yourself before you send an email, a text, a post – what happens after I hit send?

My kids know that no subject is taboo with me and I am bound to drop a bomb on them at any time. I started when they were very small, so by now they expect to talk about anything and everything with me. I try to make it conversational and just a tangent from a story on the news. Even though sometimes the conversation is hard to start, I know I (or my husband) am the one to have the conversation with them.

This is a story I want them to talk to their friends about. They learn best from each other sometimes and this is a time that I just want the word out: Sexting is not cool.

As kids get older, they become more involved in creating the content being shared online. They need to be reminded about the importance of maintaining their reputation online as well as offline. Technology is second nature to our kids. They are so used to the ability to send and share information. When they are young everything that they share online is very innocent. They don’t always assume that the “new” thing that kids are doing is bad. It is our job to use teachable moments to help create cyber smart kids who can use technology to help them succeed and not to have it strip them of dignity, put them in danger or ruin their chances of getting into that college or career of their choice.

I suggest that you “google” your kids name in quotes, then do the same for their cell phone number. See what comes up and have a talk with them. Kids are still learning and need all the guidance we can give to them to become the great citizens they deserve to be.

Parry Aftab appeared on Good Morning America to hold a Town Hall meeting with parents to discuss sexting. Check it out hear: http://bitly.com/JK0x.

Tracy
cybermom@mcafee.com
@mcafeecybermom
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Tags: Cyber Security Mom, Family Safety