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Sexting – when hormones meet text and webcams
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44% of teen boys we polled told us they had seen at least one naked photo of a fellow female classmate. And who are these girls? The slutty fast teens? The ones we would expect to do things like take a nude photo or engage in real or mock sex and share it with the world? No. For the most part they are our daughters. They may be 11 or 12 and seeking the attention of senior boys, acting on a dare at a slumber party, taking pics without the knowledge of others in the locker room, or deeply in love as only a teen can be. They send these pics to their boyfriends as a sign of trust. They send them to boys they don’t know as an introduction. Or they send them to boys they are trying to impress as an invitation and audition.
All the lectures in the world won’t help here. Do any of us really think they don’t know sending naked or sexual pics online to anyone (or even taking them) is acceptable? Do we need t tell them it’s wrong and stupid?
And what about our sons? Do they think we won’t mind if they store underage nude images on their cellphones, Xboxs or computers? They know it’s something they shouldn’t do. But they do it anyway. They act in the moment. And when easy access to high speed devices collides with the raging hormones of a teen, consequences are the last thing on their minds.
But now teens are dying, when they think it’s impossible to live with everyone in their community passing around the images and calling them horrible names. And now teen boys are finding themselves charged with serious sex crimes that require their registration as sex offenders when they serve their time. They won’t be able to live near a school or public park. And for the next twenty or so years will be lumped together with the men who rape children.
71% of teen girls we polled reported using a webcam in their bedrooms, and 22% said they regretted something they did using a webcam.
What’s the answer? I don’t know. I have been doing this for 14 years and rarely am without answers and solutions. The laws here are too hot (sex offender registration and serious jail time) or too cold (a slap on the wrist as a “cyberbully” or harasser). So we need new laws. Do we make the harassment laws tougher? Or do we create a special category of sexual exploitation level that reduces the penalties for possession of images of their friends in the nude if both are underage? Do we mandate financial fines? Require public apologies? Demand counseling?
I don’t know the answer…only the questions.
I would like to hear from my readers.
What do you think we should do to address this problem?
What if this were your son or daughter?
We’re all in this together.
Parry
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Tags: Family Safety
Comments (3)
Unfortunately, laws won’t stop people from being people.
If a kid is brought up thinking there are no real consequences to his actions, he will write that name on the bathroom wall, and he will post a picture of his 15-year old ex-girlfriend when she dumps him. The laws will only serve to punish him after the fact, and he’ll be surprised to find he’s in trouble.
I still believe the true first step is for the parents to take responsibility for their kids by teaching them right from wrong first, and enforcing those beliefs.
I agree that parents have the key role here, but the world is a different place than it was when you and I were growing up. When we were growing up the worse we could do was ruin or reputations locally, or have something written about us on a bathroom stall, or write things about others there.
They world is now digital and reputations can be ruined worldwide with the click of a key or mouse. Your mistakes follow you from school to school, from town to town and into our adulthood.
While parents need to care and know how to raise our kids in a digital world, the need help. They need help from organizations such as Wiredsafety.org, the charity I run in educating and providing help. They need help from the industry players, such as McAfee, in creating better tools for parents to use. They need help from the Internet industry in adopting best practices and monitoring their sites for abuses and responding to their users’ pleas for help. They need help from government agencies in creating relevant laws that work and being there to protect the public. They need help from schools to teach Internet literacy and provide cyberwellness coaching.
Hopefully we can help parents understand the new risks and how to get more involved.
Parry
This all starts and should end on the parent’s shoulders.
When I was a teen, I did some stupid stuff, but I knew there was always a certain line I wouldn’t cross, not because I’d get locked up, not because I’d get expelled from school, but because my parents could catch me. For instance, that fear of my parents catching me reduced my experimenting with alcohol in high school to one attempt, after which I waited until college when I was an “adult”. I had plenty of other chances, but that one close call where I thought my father might have found out was enough.
Unless a child/pre/teen truly fears getting in trouble with their parents, they will continue to do things that can have future consequences. Until we have parents who care enough about their children to punish them for smaller things, the children will continue to escalate, thinking there are no consequences.
All the legislation in the world can’t stop kids from being kids. Children are *children*, and should be treated as such until they have proven themselves responsible enough to be adults.
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